The quote in the headline is a question that is always in the background when I'm working on "My E-motions". A friend of mine asked me to find out whether her son was happy with his summer camp, as she knew I tend to have in depth conversations with both our kids when it was my turn to carpool. I tried sharing some advise on how to get her to engage her kids in the same kind of communication, but I then realized that we were not all given the skillset to build these connections with our kids.
I myself grew up in a house with not much talk about feelings, and even that was way more than what my parents experienced when they were growing up. so I promised myself, I will find ways to build communication with my kids that allows them to come to me for advise, to share with me the happy, the sad, the frustration, the disappointment, the excitement, and even when they did something wrong. it was quite a journey getting there, and I'm taking it day by day, sharing my own mistakes, asking them for advise, encouraging them to test boundaries but to also trust that if I insist on something even after they argued their case - then my decision is based on my goal of wanting what's best for them.
I don't believe in protocols, we all have our ways, we learn as we go, and we evolve. part of that growth, for me, was to take some of the exercises I used in my practice and turn it into something that would be available for all! Once I introduced biofeedback to my work, it helped my patients and me learn what causes anxiety and what helps them. We had meaningful conversations while getting feedback from the emotions they were experiencing.
During Biofeedback sessions, we learned that often, the biggest stressor was trying to express what they were feeling, and so many parents shared that they feel the same. this helped them realize that they, as the role model, need to step up and demonstrate how to share their emotions, so their children will learn that sharing is natural and learn to feel comfortable with this new language.
We can do this!
I remember the relief I felt when we had a practitioner help my son with speech, when other practitioners dealt with issues my own kids were happy. but at some point I realized that while sometime there's added value for kids to hear it from someone neutral, maybe I have the tendency to outsource things that I could and should be dealing with myself! this has made a wonderful change in my own parenting, I became much more involved, I searched for tools that would empower me as a parent and would allow me to feel more in control about my parenting, about my relationship with my kids. This was something I wanted to share with other parents - We can do this!!!
in some cases there is much added value to seek professional help, but in all cases, it's wonderful to have tools to empower ourselves as parents.
"My E-motions" was created to help children learn to express their emotions and create a language that would be easy to communicate with caregivers, and will provide an opportunity for bonding. It's a tool that empowers parents and allows them to get to know their kids better. I've recently started with these games and activities, and many more are coming and I will share as soon as they are out.
Love
Neta
recommended resources:
amazing resources for parents and educators on Mistake Club's website
great talks and tips on Playground Talks new podcast
get 20% "My E-motions" on Etsy